Who is to blame when a marriage fails?
We make decisions we think will serve us the best in life, only to find out that it’s not. Just like this true-to-life story of this couple from the Philippines who were once deeply in love with each other. Their story once becomes viral as the classic annulment case of a distressed woman against her uncaring husband.
Chi-Ming Tsoi and Gina Lao-Tsoi walked down the aisle on May 22, 1988. They got married at the Manila Cathedral, Basilica of the Immaculate Concepcion, Intramuros, Manila. Everything went smoothly – from the ceremony to the wedding reception at the South Villa, Makati.
They were just like typical newlyweds – happy and excited to spend their first night together. The couple spent their night at Chi Ming Tsoi’s mother’s place. Finally, for the first time, they will be able to sleep in the same room, on the same bed, with each other.
Gina was excited. At last, they can enjoy life as newlyweds and perform the duties and responsibilities as husband and wife. However, to her surprise, his husband, Chi-Ming Tsoi, just turned his back and slept.
Gina might probably be disappointed during this time. But she sure does understand that Chi Ming Tsoi might need a little rest after a very long day.
Their honeymoon continued, and the same thing happened every night. This no love-making night continued until the fourth night of their honeymoon.
On the following day, Chi-Ming Tsoi decided to impress his wife, Gina. He booked a private place in Baguio City for four days to continue and enjoy their honeymoon as husband and wife.
This made Gina extremely happy and valued.
The couple was then joined by their families.
With his family and wife, Chi Ming Tsoi surely had the best time of his life. This vacation also gives him plenty of time to unwind and privately take a long walk alone or relax anywhere in the vicinity.
But unfortunately, it seemed that Gina was not enjoying their honeymoon. To her, the honeymoon didn’t seem like a honeymoon at all. During this four-day vacation, there were times that Gina felt that her husband was avoiding her. And still, they haven’t had sex yet.
From the day they got married on May 22, 1988, Chi Ming Tsoi and Gina Lao-Tsoi spent the night and shared the same room and bed as husband and wife. However, during this time, Chi-Ming Tsoi did not attempt to touch her nor make love with her. And as per Gina, they didn’t even get a glimpse of each other’s private parts.
Days had passed, and still, they didn’t have any idea how it looked inside.
Thinking that this was not normal, on January 20, 1989, they went to the Chinese General Hospital to see a urologist.
The medical examination revealed that the wife, Gina, is healthy, regular, and still a virgin. While her results were non-restrictive, Chi-Ming Tsoi’s physical test results remained confidential.
It seemed that both parties were healthy at that time as they were not given any medication. The doctor, however, had repeatedly pleaded with her husband, Chi-Ming Tsoi, to return for a follow-up check-up. But had failed to do so.
Their marriage starts to falter.
Because he didn’t show his private part, Gina was under the impression that he was an impotent, closeted gay. She further claims that her husband married her, a Filipino citizen, to get or preserve his residence status and publicly maintain his image as a regular guy. She wanted an annulment.
Gina filed the annulment case against her husband, Chi Ming Tsoi, the infamous uncaring husband.
But her husband does not want their marriage to end for three reasons. First, he loves her so much. Second, he is physically and psychologically capable. Third, they are just in the early stages of their relationship, and any differences between them can still be reconciled.
He wanted to save their relationship, saying that if either one has some incapabilities, there is no certainty that these will not be cured. He also asserts that if there is a problem, it may be fixed through medical technology or science.
But his wife wanted to cut ties and end their relationship badly.
Chi-Ming Tsoi admitted that from the day they got married in 1988 until they got separated in 1989, they did not have any chance to have sex.
Because every time he attempted to have sex with her, his wife avoided him, and that every time he caressed her and stroked her private areas, Gina removed his hands. He further claims that he forced his wife to have sex with him once, but he stopped as she was shaking, and it seemed that she didn’t like it.
Chi-Ming Tsoi then thought that Gina wanted an annulment because she was afraid that she would be forced to return the pieces of jewelry that belonged to his mother and that he would consummate their marriage.
But in fairness to Chi Ming Tsoi, he fully cooperated just to save their marriage. For once and for all, he submitted himself to be physically checked to whether or not he was impotent. The doctor asked him to masturbate to find out if he was capable of erections.
The result came, and it showed that Chi Ming Tsoi is fully capable of erections as his penis’ size increased by one (1) inch and one (1) centimeter from its initial size of two (2) inches. And even though it was just a mild erection, he is still capable of having sex with a woman.
Chi-Ming Tsoi’s admission that they did not have carnal knowledge through the entire duration of their marriage and the medical records stating that he is not impotent leads to the Court’s decision to void their marriage on the ground of psychological incapacity.
Chi Ming Tsoi gave a good fight to save their relationship. Unfortunately, his insensitivity and his refusal to consummate his marriage strongly indicate a severe personality problem.
Though Chi Ming Tsoi appealed to the Court of Appeals, the seriousness of the broken relationship, with unfulfilled vows and unconsummated marital responsibilities, the Court upheld the considered decision of the respondent appellate court.
Because, “While the law provides that the husband and the wife are obliged to live together, observe mutual love, respect, and fidelity (Art. 68, Family Code), the sanction, therefore, is actually the “spontaneous, mutual affection between husband and wife and not any legal mandate or court order” (Cuaderno vs. Cuaderno 120 Phil. 1298). “
This means that even if the law respect and upholds the sanctity of marriage, it will still be the couple’s foundation of a continuous involuntary act of love, respect, and care that will lead their marriage to where it is supposed to be.
Bottom line: Sexual connection is one of the things that brings couples together and makes them complete. Sexual intimacy is a gift and a function at the same time that rekindles hope for procreation and guarantees the continuance of familial ties.
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